Relational Markets

Negotiating is a common practice in all of professional life — whether it be for salaries, customer pricing, or business fundraising/acquisition. And a lot of this process can seem to be uncomfortable and played like a poker game.

When I am negotiating on my own behalf, I often feel uncomfortable with the process, as I feel like I am becoming greedy in this process. Yet, when I talk to others about their own process in salary negotiation, it is often less about the salary and more about the feeling of respect and validation that one is doing their job well.

And I think a large part of the personal negotiation process is about gauging your own value and worth. It feels like it is about respect, appreciation, and your own value in the eyes of the other and broader society. It’s an easy metric.

Part of me thinks that I should escape this mindset. I should not think about my own value in these terms — it seems weak and superficial at first glance. My instant reaction is to take a step back and think about whether a number is enough in an absolute sense, rather than a relational one. Because a large part of negotiating is by referencing others in your environment (whether it be company valuations, people, roles, etc), and trying to establish your place within that environment.

But when you become accustomed to this mindset, you start to view your own identity and the identity of others in these relational terms of success. The consequences of such a mindset are obviously quite damaging to your idea of self-worth and happiness.

In any domain, there are the market-makers and the market-followers. Sometimes, the market-makers are innovators and visionaries who transform the world. Other times, they just happen to be the ones with the biggest poker hands.

To be an innovator or visionary, you have to act antagonistically to the market trends many times. You have to overcome the feelings of value and relational respect to pursue something that no one else gives a shit about. And sometimes, the tide will shift in your direction. Other times, it won’t and you will drown. But to the true visionary, does that make a difference?